June is a sad month. It is one year of Athena’s vanishing. And I felt the sadness growing more and more since mid-May, not understanding at first. And then realising why the waking ups were so difficult. 1 year and not even near closing the chapter. As I write I feel dizzy. I am sweating just as much as last year (heat wave). The hot bursts are back, just like back then. It seems all of me is reliving all those moments. Life goes in circles. And same happened with China. She disappeared too. Things like that happen with cats who are able to roam. One must accept it or lock them up. It does not necessarily mean they die though. Sometimes they find another home. Just like Charlie and Tato found shelter with us. I am trying to make this less heavy.
For a missing soul, be it human or animal, there is no closing chapter. The doubt once seated won’t go. It will last for an uncertain period of time. Feelings are not always so near the surface as they are these days but doubt never releases its grip. This is like a bad tattoo on your soul. It is there, burning more or less. Never really healing. Better learn to let go is the only answer I found, so far. But today is a deadday.
In addition, things are just not going well at all. The neighbour is just totally uncontrollable lately. I walked up last night to some strange noises. He was shooting in his garden, must have been 3-4 am. I sleep like the cats when he is around. Now in the summer heat, they roam at night and are KO somewhere in the shade in day light. And that’s when I work. So not much sleep. And therefore suddenly I crash dead a few hours. And so I walked up to the dry sound of shots. Fantastic day indeed!
I am looking for places to move away to, in the hopes that, first, we can have some moments of peace and necessary family-building. The cats feel all that stress. And I need to keep them inside as much as possible. With the heat and all of me being scared, they sense it so much and sometimes i must release a few out. Get some air, spend their energy and hope all their cat wisdom will drive them safe back home for the day rest. So our nights are much better than our days.
As if this was not enough, a kitty who was feeding from one of the dishes left on the window sill, came one day with 3. They stayed three days, so I asked for help. The babies who are between 2 and 3 months old are touchable and more or less sociable. With a tiny bit of patience even the most reluctant one is fitted for adoption.
So that was all launched, the help call, and suddenly they were gone. I felt a bit stupid. But then one eventually returned with mummy and then never went again. But I was not really sure about what had happened to the other two. This morning the two others showed up extremely hungry.
This mumy had to make so many trips between the two locations. But she did. Poor thing. Anyway, the now recomposed family was shown the way to the inside garden where they can’t disappear again. This way they get to know each others faces with all of the others and the kitties can be taken care of until I find a solution and someone takes them to foster or adoption.
So yes, more cats. But I really don’t want to have them here, it must be temporary. I must find them homes. Especially in this totally intolerable situation of mine. I am no longer a safe haven. I must be rescued a bit too. Build strength and calm down.
Mr sociable has got a name. It will be Jimmy. And he is a really a clever little guy. He is super sweet alert and playful. And when you’re not around he plays and then crashes on the sofa. A perfect apartment cat. He even started playing with some of the other cats. The elder, out of curiosity at first, and not really kind but it turned into playtime quite fast. I’m amazed actually. Not the same story with the other two. Out there is wild. They spent one extra week, at this age is makes quite a difference. Little Jimmy was lucky or clever. It sound like a prince story
I am gonna leave this post as is. I don’t know what is going to happen but I have spoken about this situation, the cats, the place and the babies. And let’s hope these open issues get a resolution soon. I can’t wait for the day I go away not being scare. And see them all fine and relaxed.
June should never again be a sad month!